I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
