You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
