you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize