you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
