A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
