i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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