I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
