Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
