I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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