Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
