some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
