i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
then he tried to convert me to islam
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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