lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
