So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
