I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
