I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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