the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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