You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
