hotel room ftw
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
