thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
