just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
