Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
