Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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