I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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