Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
