To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
