Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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