Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
