She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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