Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
