I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
