I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
