I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We don't watch enough power rangers
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
