When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
