I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
