hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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