I showed him my bush... on skype.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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