my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
