I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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