So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
