I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
