Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
