I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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