I hate all girls vehemently.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
