does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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