he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
