well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
