I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
