I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
