i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My ass is underappreciated
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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