Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
