I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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