quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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