I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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