didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
