fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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