You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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