You just made me feel so damn special
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
