i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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