I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
