is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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