He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
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I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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