Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
