Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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