Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
