he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
