And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
