i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
